Rampant Exclamations

MAY CONTAIN THE DARK KNIGHT SPOILERS!  IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT, MAYBE DON’T READ THIS!  ALSO, GET YOUR HINEY TO YOUR LOCAL THEATER AND SEE IT!  JACKASS!

Here’s my review of The Dark Knight: PERFECTION.  It is everything I want, it is everything I need, it is everything inside of me that I wish I could be.  It says all the right things, at exactly the right time…ok enough with the song lyrics, the point is that I absolutely loved it and defy anyone to tell me they didn’t love it as well.  I’ve seen it twice already, once in IMAX (which has now ruined me for big action movies on “regular” screens); methinks I’ll see it many times more before I’m through.  Anyone who hasn’t seen it and wants to go, I will go with you.  As I’ve said before, this movie is my Titanic, and I am a small girl with disposable income.

But my gushing is not the point of this post, I can do that anytime, and have.  No, it’s to posit this query among the masses of readers who frequent accidentally click on this awesome serviceable website place where thoughts come to die: who should be the villain(s) for Batman 3?  We were talking about this on the car ride back from my first viewing, and there are a couple of articles on IGN and MSNBC that give their opinions on the matter, but who cares what they think?  If you did you’d be there now instead of here, and since you’ve made that grave error I will now subject you to my two cents (now worth only one cent thanks to the weakening American dollar.)

Now because of Christopher Nolan’s reimagining of the franchise in a more grounded-in-reality Gotham City, several of Batman’s more…colorful…rogues are probably not a good fit.  Like the guy who only steals pennies, or the guy who’s a giant mutant bat, or the guy who’s a shapeshifting pile of clay.  But I think a few of them would still work well, like…

 

• The Riddler - They would have to tone the goofiness waaaaaayy down compared to the Jim Carrey version in order for it to work, but Mr. Edward Nygma is just as smart as Batman, and was the main villain in one of my favorite episodes of Batman: The Animated Series of all time.  Like the Joker, he could have little motivation other than wanting to see if he can best the Dark Knight, and he’s crazy as a loon which seems to suit Nolan just fine.  IGN had a good idea about the police possibly using him (him being Edward Nygma, not the costumed Riddler) to catch Batman, which could work if by day he was trying to figure out who Batman was, and by night he was the Riddler trying to get rich and maybe kill the Batman in the process.  In any case, since his superpower is basically just being really intelligent and good at puzzles, he’d be the easiest to fit into the new Nolanverse Gotham.  Lose the orange hair though, that wasn’t good for anyone.
• Talia al Ghul - The daughter of the first movie’s villain Ra’s al Ghul, she would be good as both antagonist and new love interest since they blew Rachel into a million pieces.  She always admired and eventually loved Batman/Bruce Wayne in the comics and cartoon, and it could be the same now, even as she tries to seek vengeance for her father’s death(?) in Batman Begins.  The revenge could be destroying the city, or just bending it to her whims, or whatever, but it could be cool because why she feels a responsibility to avenge her father, she also is falling for Batman, and the two motivations obviously conflict.  Plus in the end, since the entire city thinks Batman is scum anyway even though he keeps saving all their lives, she could try to convince him to join the League of Assassins (the group of ninjas she now leads) and marry her, leaving behind a city that doesn’t appreciate or accept him anymore.  Could be an interesting romantic angle that would tempt him to abandon his city.  Ingrates.
• Azrael - Yeah, I ain’t forgot.  I’m quite surprised I haven’t seen him mentioned anywhere else yet, even as a far-fetched possibility, but I think he could work.  Azrael was the badass mofo who replaced Batman in the comics after Bane broke his back and paralyzed him.  Batman recruited Azrael to be his temporary replacement, and Azrael kicked things off by finding Bane and handing him his ass.  Awesome.  Then he started killing people, (criminals, who deserved it, but nonetheless against Batman code), and Batman had to come back and ruin everything by defeating him and sending him on his way.  In the movie, though, they don’t have to go that exact route.  They already established there are copycats of Batman throughout the city, so that an in for this new guy to suddenly appear, wanting to rid the streets of criminals.  PLUS, since Batman is persona non grata now, Gotham will be looking for a new hero they can turn to, and Azrael could be his replacement.  PLUS, since he has no problem with killing someone if he thinks they’re too much of a threat, he could be seen as a better choice to the people, who have lost hope and just want to feel safe again.  A commentary on capital punishment, just as The Dark Knight seems to be a commentary on the effectiveness of terrorism and the concept of escalation?  Why yes, I believe it could be.  I’m that deep.  Also, Azrael sometimes uses a flaming sword and that would be SWEEEEEEET!  They would probably want to do something about his “test tube baby created by a secret society of assassins with the genes of animals and brainwashed to do their bidding while granted superpowers” origin, though.  Just sayin’.
• Mr. Freeze - Hear me out dang it!  His origin is really very tragic, and Nolan loves him some tragedy.  (Tell me you weren’t moved by that scene with Two-Face and Gordon’s family…you weren’t?  LIAR!!!!)  The Scarecrow sounded like a stupid idea too until they did it, and Mr. Freeze could just as implausibly create a cadre of henchmen to do his bidding while trying to control the city with the threat of annihilation via deep freeze.  Plus don’t, like, freeze guns really exist by now in some part of the military?  **Checks Google**  …I don’t care what Google says, I like Mr. Freeze and I want them to erase the horror that was Ahhnuld destroying his rep in Batman & Robin!  Watch the animated movie Batman: Subzero and try to choke back your tears!  You can’t!  Ok fine he’ll never be in it, next!
• Killer Croc - He would never be a primary character of course, but a big strong guy with a skin condition and fierce underbite would be welcomed in any main villain’s henchmen lineup!  (Same principle goes for Bane as well.)  He has kind of a tragic origin: ostracized as a child for being fugly, has some kind of genetic disorder that makes him look like a crocodile, dumb as a post.  His futile attempts to beat up the Batman would be good for comic relief, at least.  They actually did some good dramatic stuff with him in the animated series, so if they could do it I know Nolan could.  Big longshot though, moving on!
• The Ventriloquist - Ahhh, now we’re back on track!  An insane mob boss with a split personality created when he watched a mobster kill his parents in cold blood!  (Sound like anyone familiar?)  The guy uses a puppet to bark his orders, sure, but that is both creepy AND slightly hilarious!  The puppet’s name is Scarface, and the Ventriloquist is an extremely mild-mannered wet blanket that Scarface insults and beats all the time.  (Apparently the Ventriloquist is a girl in the comics now?  F that S.)  Psychotic disorders are right up Nolan’s alley, and with the vacuum in leadership for the mob now that the Joker is caught and Falcone perhaps dead, they can use another boss, preferably a more interesting one like The Ventriloquist.  Or…
• The Penguin - Another pre-Nolan character they could redo!  I rather liked Danny Devito’s version in Batman Returns, but for our purposes I think the more dapper, refined, and non-brutally disfigured versions of Penguin would be better suited (pun not intended.)  He is another candidate to fill the boss-of-all-mob-bosses role, and it would be cool because he would be from “old money”, meaning he is already filthy rich and just does it because he’s greedy or because he can get away with it.  The police can’t prove it’s him because he is a criminal mastermind and makes sure nothing ever points back to him.  He wouldn’t be a main villain either, not like the old one with the crazy umbrellas and trying to destroy the city, or turn everyone into penguins, or whatever the hell he was trying to do.  He could still have crazy umbrellas, but just as a novelty perhaps, like it’s his signature eccentric trait.  I like the animated series version, when he was a man-about-town who threw lavish parties for the wealthy and celebrities, never dirtying his hands himself.  I also like IGN’s suggestion that the nickname “Penguin” be something that’s only said behind his back, because of his ever present tuxedos and large nose, and he HATES the name.
• Black Mask - This villain is cool because, for a change, he hates Bruce Wayne himself and couldn’t care less about Batman.  He grew up with Bruce as children, forced to be his friend by his parents, and grew to resent him.  He killed his own parents in a fire, ran his father’s company into the ground, and eventually went insane (always a plus!)  He’s another guy that became an underworld boss, but as I said, he would be different because his grudge is with Bruce Wayne, not Batman, and therefore that would put a different spin on things.  How would Bruce defend himself if attacked in public by henchmen?  He couldn’t very well whoop their asses with kung-fu like usual, people would start putting 2 and 2 together.  That would set up nicely for a scene of Bruce Wayne getting the crap beaten out of him, one of those cringe-worthy beatings that make you want to look away, until he’s saved by Alfred or Azrael or something.  Think about it!  Could be sweet.

That’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I’m missing some.  Are there any ideas you have that you think could work in Nolan’s Gotham City?  Think any/all of my ideas are total crap/genius?  Please comment, and make me think someone still reads this thing.

P.S. For shites and giggles, go Here and Here.  These are a couple of sites that wrote up some villains they would absolutely NOT want to see in any Batman movie, ever.  The first one mentions Zsasz, who was already in Batman Begins; the second one lists The Ventriloquist, those ignorant fools!

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