Rampant Exclamations

Story.

I’m sitting in an establishment of fine dining that just happens to have been founded by a certain Colonel who hails from a state geographically located between Ohio and Tennessee. I’m enjoying my delicious meal when I happen to catch the events transpiring at another table. A small child sits with her father and a few other adults. As the older people attempt to converse, the child proceeds to pretty much do everything a person CAN do with their food other than eat it. Not out of the ordinary. Kids are messy eaters. After she’s done manufacturing the world’s first mashed potato-based tablecloth, the little girl decides she’s bored.

And that’s when the fun begins.

She proceeds to hop up and down on her chair, climb on top of the table, throw things, yell, kick, knit, hack and, at one point, I’m pretty sure she rotated the tires on a Hyundai Sonata. That said, the father constantly removes himself from his adult conversation to inform the child she should stop doing whatever it is she’s doing. Fine, right? Right? Right?! Wrong. The kid continues to act out for the next few minutes and finally it seems the father has had enough. I look away, expecting a bit of stern but necessary parenting to occur.

But that’s not what happened.

As I hungrily attack my failure bowl, what do I hear come from the mouth of this dad?

“If you start acting better, I’ll buy you a treat.”

…

And this is why I’ve given up on America. Is this what it’s come to? Bargaining with 2-year-olds? REALLY?!

Before people start pestering me with comments about how effective it is to bargain with kids, I just want to make it quite clear that I understand the appeal. I’ve helped raised 4 siblings and have volunteered at enrichment camps the last 4 years of my life. I know how little kids act. I’ll also admit my disciplinary tactics aren’t exactly ideal considering they’re filed under “Stairs, Push them down the.” And, hell, I understand that bribery seems to be one of the few things they’ll respond to in a positive manner. It’s just easier.

And that’s the problem.

If the easiest way was the right way, I’d be crescent kicking old women in the back of the head at Chipotle every day of my life instead of patiently waiting the additional 20 f’ing minutes it takes for them peruse the 4-option before making a damn selection. But, I don’t do that because it’s ineffective and illegal. Also, I don’t know kung-fu.

You’re an f’ing parent. So, why don’t you try doing some damn parenting for a change instead of resorting to cheap bribes to keep your kid in line? You think it’s worth it now because it buys you a few moments of peace or maybe allows you to do a little grocery shopping without fear of a temper tantrum. But what happens when the years go by and your kid is still functioning in the same manner because you’ve conditioned them to only respond positively when they’re going to be rewarded in some way? You can’t buy off a teenager with a cookie. So, the next thing you know… you’re choosing between shelling out the cash for a new Civic for your kid to drive to prom or coming home to find your son sniffing ammonia and your daughter knocked up a by a rodeo clown. Or vice versa.

And that’s the problem I seem to keep coming across when I look at our country as a whole. We want the easy way out of every situation. Right now, every person in the nation is complaining about the gas prices. Meanwhile, not a single person is driving any less than they were before. And, if they are… it’s because they simply can’t afford the fuel to do it. It sure as hell wasn’t by choice. It seems to me that if we all have an issue with the prices, we need to butch up, explore alternative methods of travel like mass transit systems and stop buying trucks that go through gas faster than Miley Cyrus goes through photography scandals.

Instead, we just bitch and whine and wait for an answer to drop in our lap like Tara Reid at a graduation party. How about doing things the hard way for once? How about a little action? Honestly, I’ve got a few ideas I’d love to share.

But only if you buy me a treat.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 at 7:51 pm and is filed under American, Children, Fail, News Post, Rant, Serious Business. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.