Rampant Exclamations

…without some RAMPANT EXCLAMATIONS to step to!  Step to, step to, step to, step step to, step to, step to!

Alright enough of that.  On with the show!

• In the greatest example of instant karma I may have ever heard of, a man was eaten by an alligator while escaping from the cops!  Unfortunately, the gator’s brave act will result in it being destroyed since any animal with a taste for human blood must, by law, be killed.  “Johnny Law” never respects the vigilante, that’s why they all have secret identities and wear masks.  The tights and capes, though, I have no explanation for.  They’re slimming?
• It’s kind of funny that this lady is suing the flower company that decorated her wedding for using the wrong color flowers, (thereby ensuring their marriage will end in violent death?), but what I find most disturbing interesting is the price she paid for them: $27, 435.14!  For frickin’ flowers!  I mean, did they bloom and start singing Disney songs in perfect harmony?  Did each petal grant a wish?  What the hell’s the point of paying so much for a DECORATION?!  I wouldn’t pay that much for the WIFE, and she’s integral…you know, for the honeymoon bang bang.  Oh, and love and stuff, she’d be there for that too.
• Here’s every teenage Valley girl’s dream: secretly living at the mall.  Some artists actually built an apartment in a corner of the parking complex, and used it for months until now.  Do you understand how ludicrous this is?  Discounting the fact that these guys actually wanted to live at the mall, how insane is it they secretly BUILT an entire apartment without anyone noticing?  How big is this parking complex?  How inept is the security?  Where are the cameras?!  My mind is officially boggled.
• Sign of the Apocalype #832: McDonald’s is adding espressos, smoothies and other new preppy foods to their menu, taking us one step closer towards our dystopian future hellscape ruled with an iron fist by our omnipotent warlords at McStarbuck’s.  Just what I need, to be stuck in line behind someone trying to order a Mocha Venti Skim…Frap…Latte…No Whip…ok I’m not hip to the nomenclature, I don’t drink coffee and if I did it wouldn’t be at Starbucks, I don’t wear sweaters over dress shirts.  Anyway, the point is that the McDonald’s collective is assimilating everything around it, and once they start selling auto parts there will be no stopping them.  You’ve been warned.
• This just in from The Complete Opposite of News: Barry Bonds was indicted on perjury and other charges.  In other shocking developments this week: everyone on Earth is now 1 day older than they were yesterday; pickles still taste like pickles; water is wet.  Seriously, am I the only one that thought he had already BEEN indicted?  We’ve only been hearing about how it was 100% going to happen for the last year or two, and now that it has I’m supposed to be shocked?  Or care?  It doesn’t matter anyway, he’ll beat the rap like he beat his wife…allegedly.
• Reason #4379 to buy Rock Band: Timmy & The Lords of the Underworld.  If you are unfamiliar with South Park then you won’t care at all, but fans of the show should be very excited that they’ll get to sing like Timmy for point value!  TIMMY!!!  Oh, I love it so.  It comes out next week!  Who will be rocking with me on Xbox 360?  My Gamertag is TheRage33 if you wanna throw down online style.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 16th, 2007 at 1:55 pm and is filed under Fast food, Law, News Post, Sports, Television, Video Games, WTF?, lol. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.